Tired of guessing him

HE texted to my 016 phone after the friendster message. He wrote : "Honey I just arrived nilai memorail park." See...I don't know what he wants. My guy friend told me maybe he just want to save his face or what, but I m already tired of guessing him.

A message after a week

I logged in to my Friendster yesterday noon. He left me message there. The message was :

Honey I will always put you in my heart.

Love
Jason.

After I've been through all this hardest time. The message he sent to me seems like useless. I was looking into the screen more than 5 mins. Reply or not? I choose to reply, however I don' t know what to write. At the end , I just closed off the window and put the matter away. I am more happy and released now. I don't feel like spoilting my mood now. Maybe its time for me to say " Its too late now."

Feeling Great

Feeling great this morning! Slowly forgot the pain and sad. I love myself more today.

I WILL NEVER LOOK BACKWARD ANYMORE!!

We are really broke up this time. I won't look back and hope for any single thing from him anymore. We ended up by a call last night. Actually I was having a yum cha session with cy last night. We decided to go find him to have a clear talk. So when I reached his house, I called him. He didn't answer my phone call until the second time I called again. But when he picked up the call , I had put down de. So I called and called again, but he had switched off his phone. After 5 mins, he called e back. I told him that I was outside of his house. But he answered coldly" Why you come? I'm not free and not at home". He was in Malacca now. He chased me back home. When almost reached my house, I called him again and asked why he wants to keep hurting me and what he is actually want. He just said that " U are so annoying. Even I want to sleep now , also you still disturbing me. He said " I don't want anything, Its clear enough, its clear enough " . Although he doesn't say out the word of breaking up but he is actually meant it. He said he loves to work rather than spend time with me. He dont want to see me or hear my voice anymore and just cut off the call. I was totally hurt by each word that he said to me. I did cried. And I was so lucky that cy was there for me last nite. It will be a night mare for me. I deleted all his pic, message and his phone number. And I am stop using the 016 line and passed it to cy.

Awaken this morning by fears and pain. Let me remember this pain and stop fooling again.

I Hate him

I told myself not to blame or hate him.
But the minute right now, I do really hate him.
I hate him treated me in this way.
I hate everything of him.
I hate him.

I want to be FREE....

I need to be stop thinking about me and him. I need to stop all the unnecessarry feeling. Its only make me feel hard and sad. I dont want to contribute or workout in this relation anymore. We are nothing happen, don't worry. Just I had some idea on starting my new happy life without him. What he had let me felt was I m not his gf anymore. shit...hate it.

A guy that had ruined my happy life ,and then threw me a miserable live. Shit...Who the hell he think he is?? When he needs someone , I must be there?? When I need him, he is always not at there for me!!! WTF !!!! I am not going to be the fool person anymore. I don't want to be sad and suffer anymore. I want my life back. I want to be free....

Comment

I was very doubtful yesterday bout whether should ask him out to settle our problems. Finally, I texted him for dinner. I didn't tell him that is actually a discussion because I 'm sure that he will avoid it.He was so happy and replied me asap.

So we met up. ( I know u gals will started mumbling on me now, especially the tall lady among my group, hahaha). Throughout the night, he was very careful in whatever he did and speak cause I didn't showing my lovely face. I got so many things to tell him, but till the end ,i ate up all my words. Our problem is still a problem. Although from the surface we are still look good just like last time but now I am trying to let go some of my feeling and dependent on him. I scared to be hurt anymore.

While on the way back home, he asked me " Do you think that I couldn't provide you any security?" and I answered "yes". Then we had stopped our conversation. I dont know why everytime I just couldn't speak out what is on my mind. Can anyone teach me..sigh